Star
by Mint-Chocolate-Leaves
Summary: he can barely see himself as a star up in the sky anymore. He's fading, always fading. One-shot,


**Title:** _Star_

**Character:** _Sirius Black_

**Summary: **_he can barely see himself as a star up in the sky anymore. He's fading, always fading. One-shot,_

**Notes: **_So, I was trying to sleep last night, but this was really bugging me, and I thought why the hell, why don't I do a character analysis of Sirius Black? So here goes. Reviews are appreciated!_

* * *

Sirius Black,

See how, when he is born – his parents believe he is the brightest star, he is destined for so much. Know that he is to be the heir to the 'Black' name, and see how through his parents eyes, they have only the smallest amount of love, or pride in their son.

Watch as he grows up – from birth to the age of five, how he is the perfect son, believing the prejudice that he's told by his parents. See how he becomes a shining star that gains his mothers approval, and his father's pride.

If you look closely enough, you can see how he looks up to his three cousins, Bellatrix, Narcissa and Andromeda as he grows from five to seven, watching them twirl their wands in their hands before going off for yet another year at Hogwarts.

See how when he turns eight, he see's Andromeda's name blasted off the family tree, due to the fact that she married a muggle... watch how this sparks a fuse in his head, making him realise that being different is not wrong.

See how the star is already starting to dull.

Watch as he becomes unloved by his parents, though they never truly loved him in the first place. And see how this affects him – see how he becomes more uncertain, willing to do anything to gain attention.

See his first true smile when he gets his Hogwarts letter on his eleventh birthday, but watch as it fades when he thinks of the consequences of leaving his brother behind. See how inside he doesn't want to leave his brother – but he wants to run away.

When it comes to the first of September he's one of the first on the Hogwarts Express, trying to keep his head up though he knows that it won't amount to anything – after all he's a black and he's destined to be a pure-blood fanatic. See how he promises his brother Regulus that he will write as often as he can, and tells him that he'll miss him.

Know that as the train races off, he feels like no one could be more nervous that him. But then with the help of new friend 'James Potter,' he realises that destinies aren't always written in stone – and that he doesn't have to be a Slytherin.

See the shocked faces when the sorting hat places him in Gryffindor, notice how he is now named as an anomaly across newspapers and among his family. See how he gains a howler for being a disgrace to the most ancient and noble house of black.

Watch with uncertain eyes how he claims to the other three marauders that he doesn't care, that these three boys are more of a family than his had ever been. See Sirius be accepted.

Know that he was so intelligent – he had the ability to be so much more, had he spent any time listening to his professor's during class, instead of causing trouble and mischief like he did.

See how the four marauders celebrate Sirius' birthday in their second year – not able to do it in their first year due to the fact that Sirius himself kept it quiet last September seventh. Watch how he spends his first birthday having fun, getting cards and presents...

Skip forwards to the June of their second year, where his and James' intelligence makes them figure out the question of Remus' disappearances. See how they learn that Remus' mother is not actually ill, but Remus is. Watch the three marauders confront Remus telling them they know that he is a werewolf, and how when Remus is about to leave, Sirius claims that he doesn't care about that one night a month.

See how Sirius promises himself that he will find a way to help – even if there is no cure for Lycanthropy.

Then watch through their third, fourth and start of fifth year, where Sirius, James and Peter all push themselves away from their studies to break the record of youngest animagi for a friend. See how on the first full moon of their first year Sirius and the others all rush down to the shrieking shack, as animals to help their friend through the night.

See how Sirius smiles to himself, finally feeling good about himself as he believes that it says,

'_Sirius Black, world's best friend,'_

In the stars, because it's common knowledge that he can barely see himself as a star up in the sky anymore. He's fading, always fading.

Watch how he messes up that message in the stars because of one too many fire-whiskey shots, and a need for revenge, as he tells Snape about the whomping willow. See how he laughs as he tells James about it and watch as he loses a friend, and another, and the next morning yet another.

He's alone, for several weeks he's alone, thoughts bubbling over the surface as he tries to deny the fact that he will always be like his family. See how finally one night, when he's out after curfew, sat down by the old willow tree he used to be welcome to sit at, he finally lets out a shout, before breaking down into tears. Notice how Remus hears him with his lupine senses as he does his patrols.

Then, watch to how Sirius runs back to their dormitory the next morning, the first time he's been there in weeks, as he tries to say sorry once again, for the hundredth and ninth time. See his friends finally accept him back in the group, though they all have that look in their eyes that says he isn't to be trusted with big things anymore. See how Sirius accepts this fact.

Skip to when he's sixteen, the summer before their sixth year, and notice how he finally leaves, how he finally runs away, wishing that he had a proper family who were accepting. Notice how the Potter's accept him into their house, loving him and allowing him to be part of a family.

Once again, lets skip to half way into his sixth year, watch how this star is starting to burn out, shining at its highest, how everything seems to be going perfect for Sirius, no prejudice or pure-blood antics. The lets skip to his seventh year.

He's best friends with both the head boy of the school, and a Gryffindor prefect. He jokes about this, though he feels as if he's the only normal Marauder anymore.

When James finally gets the girl, Sirius feels as if their friendship is being strained, and though he puts on a fake smile (After all he's perfect at those,) he starts to miss his friends.

After they finish school, Sirius and Remus move into a flat together. Sirius tries not to think about how James is moving in with Lily, and he also tries not to think how Peter isn't moving in with them due to the fact that he's still living with his mother. It's just Sirius and Remus.

Skip forwards to when Sirius is told about James' engagement, and she the fake smile again, before he asks James whether it's moving to quick. Apparently it's not.

Jump forward again, to when Sirius is giving his best man speech, and though it's great, it's not nearly as good as Sirius could have made it, though no one knows that, because in his heart he can't help but feel upset that his best friend seems to be sailing away, down away with the tide and out to sea. Then skip to when he dances with Lily at the reception, she's laughing and having fun as she dances with Sirius, and he's laughing as well, but it's all faked. After all his eyes aren't showing any happiness, but no one ever takes notice in that.

Look closely at how Sirius reacts to the news of Lily expecting a child – Harry they'll call it if it's a boy – how his smile is there but his spirit isn't. Our favourite star is broken, always broken. As if he's broken beyond repair.

Then Harry is born, and Sirius is named Godfather, much to his satisfaction. He realises that he now has permission to visit the potters whenever he wants. He's a good god-father, for a marauder... but that's good enough for him.

Then the prophecy and the potter's are targeted, and Sirius can't help but think that everyday might be their last. He tries to pretend that he doesn't suspect Remus, and he tries to think so hard to think up a plan to keep them alive. Then Dumbledore thinks up of the fidellus charm and suddenly Sirius has the best plan ever.

The best plan ever results in the potters' death. He's at Godric's Hollow when he sees James – dead. The only thought he can process is; _dead, dead, dead, dead, _like when he's in his dog form. He cries, allows himself to be swallowed in his grief, as he cries over James' body. Then finally he straightens out James' glasses, before venturing upstairs.

He cries for Lily as well, and then when he looks at Harry, who's alive, he feels as if he's got another chance at staying with James. Harry is a carbon copy of James. But where James had hazel eyes, Sirius realises Harry has Lily's emerald.

He allows Harry to be taken by Hagrid later on, and then he sets out to kill Peter Pettigrew. After the incident with Peter and the Muggles however, he's even more broken than ever. So he laughs, he laughs at how messed up his life has turned out to be...

They say that when you die, that's it – you don't do anything else. But Sirius Black died twice – on October 31st 1981 and then in 1996 for good that time.

The star died,

And left in its waste a black hole, a shell of a man that he once was...

Sirius Black was broken...


End file.
